The only albums featuring this song are "Suedehead - The Best Of Morrissey" and The HMV/Parlophone Singles '88-'95 and neither include lyrics. The words are transcribed here without permission, as they are heard.

Phlegm lapels for the last time
Corned beef legs for the last time
We're so glad that you've finally decided

But then you see someone new
And you want someone new
So you have someone new
I don't blame you
We would all do the same as you
If ever we had the nerve to ¹

Chips with cream for the last time
The people's Friend for the last time
We're so glad that you've finally decided

Tiny stripe socks for the last time
Pokes and prods for the last time
And the doctor said
"Don't nod your head until June"

But then you see someone new
And you want someone new
So you have someone new
I don't blame you
We would all do the same as you
If ever we had the chance to ²

Sick at noon for the last time
And who is gonna clean up?
Would you be so kind?
Oh everybody's staring
At the strange clothes
That you're wearing

Bad advice for the last time
And people being nice for the very first time ³
We're so glad that you have finally decided

 

² On the 1991 Kill Uncle tour when that song was a setlist regular, Morrissey often changed this line to "If ever we had the nerve to".

³ On the 1991 Kill Uncle tour when that song was a setlist regular, Morrissey often changed this line to "And people being nice for the last time" or "... the very last time".

Note: In very early performances of this song when it was still a work-in-progress and yet unreleased, besides reversing the lines "If ever we had the chance to" and "If ever we had the nerve to" as seen above, Morrissey repeated the "Corned beef legs..." and "People's Friend..." lines instead of the "Tiny stripe socks..." and "Pokes and prods..." ones or made other similar modifications.